there's always something So refreshing about the many variations of the 'condom scare' and how people react to it... she says tongue-in-cheekly... frankly it's been my experience that it's usually the fella a bit too blase and myself having to 'deal' with the issue practically... i refuse to have the conversation about "how to deal with the possible repercussions" until they are actually needing to be dealt with - what with the tendency to touch upon nature's most tender mental-bits in the course of that questioning... because when something has already gone wonky it's generally a 'good' idea to exacerbate it by having a high-stakes, potentially offensive and wounding conversation...
That being the most general case in my experience you find me currently bemused by the situation i found myself in last night... as I was too Too far gone to be 'professional' about the not-quite-crisis...
looking at the logistics of the situation: the 'where'd that pesky prophylactic go' issue typically happens when the male of the pairing - ahem - "finishes" prior to the female of the pairing (i have no idea if same-sex couples have this issue - guys?? i presume not girls because by definition what would a lesbian use a condom On? Well - ok - if they use dildos etc sure... but those don't change size nor shape so don't count in this scenario - i'm talking pure biology here for this line of thought) and yet is kind enough to listen to her body's cues that if we can just hold it together a little bit longer.... firewrks! but not always is this the case and sometimes you end up with slippage.
now- i'm a highly sexualized beast as it is... and freely admit that i have been known to reach a point where all rational thought within my sexplay has ceased... not that i have actually reverted to a feral animal - but 'primal' would be a term I could use accurately... and considering the lovely creature in my bed has a catnip effect on me as 'tis (all puns intended) when it was realized this fun event had happened i just literally couldn't bring the grey matter to follow the logical conclusions of what must now be done (largely involving soap, water and lots of finger-crossing)
calmly and gently - and repeatedly until the words began to register through my quivering - he urged me to wash up and take care of the situation... i whined - i know i whined because I attempted to apologize for whining when i returned to bed... however in my defense, I was hurting there!
i once read a book where the men of the planet were so much larger and more powerful than the women that the only way they could punish them (in this hugely misogynistic society... hey - i didn't Write the book - i just read the sucker) was sexually... turn them on to the peak of madness and then leave them unfulfilled. I can speak to the efficacy of this technique, however in this case it wasn't intended to be mean... t'was more 'unfortunate.' And thanks to modern medicine and my genetic pre-disposition to not spawning, I wasn't as worried as one typically would be (my concern has ever more been about microbes than gametes).
the fascinating thing is, out of all the lovers I have had - and after 16 years of 'activity' i've had a small handful of souls cross through my experience - this is the first time where i saw 'him' take initiative and concern... in fact my prior experience in this situation the 'him' involved had no Clue the 'accident' had happened until it was far too late do do anything except the finger-crossing portion of the preventatives... there's something really cool about seeing a man take ownership of a situation that all too often is the woman's cross to bear...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
it's funny cuz' it's true...
Another badish habit of mine is the crush...
I don't mean having an attraction to someone - feeling them out - perhaps going on a date or even (shock! awe!) two to see if there is a mutual compatibility and then either parting friends or living happily ever after until the next pair of eyes leads you astray...
I mean - the unattainable beauty you talk about incessantly to ALL of your friends (ad nauseum - by definition) that you dayandnight-dream about wondering if any of your fantasies ever have the leastest chance of touching the boundaries of reality and knowing that were they to do so the universe as we all know it would implode... the one you avoid eye contact with at work/school/church/that party/class because you know if you locked gazes you'd a.) become a stumbling-mumbling idiot and likely drool all over your new shoes - but more importantly because b.) you KNOW that once they realized that all brain functionality had ceased on your end that they would figure out your big secret that you Like-them like-them....
I am masterful at this game - it keeps me out of having to deal with nasty sticky little objects like feelings and emotions and real-life with real people... i mean you start messing around with that stuff and the next thing you know you actually care and then they can hurt you because chinks in armor have been found and no one ever really stays...
ahem
i mean, i have a terrible habit of really liking someone - and then when I Have them... realizing i didn't want Them so much as I wanted the game.. I'm Such a dude when it comes to that - addicted to the chase, no interest in the pay-off - thing... I honestly couldn't tell you how many people I was really into until the moment i heard they were into me back and then all I could see was crooked tooth, pimple, love-handle, bad taste in clothes, annoying laugh, clearly not a big enough package.... or whatever other reason I would find to cull them from the list... and this is after already being one of the pickier women I know when it comes to definitions of attraction... and she wonders why she's perpetually single folks!
so, as per usual, there's this guy... i've liked him for a while but only recently gotten to know him and I was busy with my most recent affair when we met so I was distracted at first... and then the swell of fortune's tide took us back into one another's proximity and I was forced to interact with him on a routine basis... for the first few weeks I thoroughly enjoyed my typical response - the crushY playful excitement of random encounter - the play-by-play with best girl friends... and my ex, because really he's as much of one of my BgF's as any of the ladies... the building anticipation throughout the week as it came closer to the day i would see Him again...
all in good fun, sure - no worries - i didn't even take it Seriously, know my pattern Watched it happening Called it my 'impossible crush' and him the 'man of my pipe-dreams'... and then something shifted...
maybe it was because there weren't that many of us there that day so all of us were being less than - ahem - professional... maybe it was just my complete sleep-deprivation causing me to forgo any filter whatsoever and, being maskless, just reacted to him as a Me rather than as a 'girl i think might not freak him out or make him think i'm retarded' but something was different and yes *I* flirted... altho' I didn't start it necessarily I also didn't pull off into the road of 'safe response' like i probably would have... and I certainly didn't pull any punches when he brat-attacked me... in front of everyone I might add... omg - he actually even literally pulled my pigtails at one point... if we were five i'd be Sure he liked me back... but being in our thirties... so much harder to read...
so i walked away and spent that evening and the next day trying desperately to convince myself that i didn't like him - wasn't even Attracted to him anymore and clearly that weird phase of crush I had was silly and is now Over!
yes - i'm the girl that as soon as the guy she likes starts acting interested back runs screaming in the opposite direction
because then I had to acknowledge that I actually liked him... not just wanted to jump him - not just foolishly attracted to him because i know he is bad for me - not just creating a fantasy in my head so i don't notice how lonely i am in my current situation... but i actually liked this guy who exists in real life and does actual things and some small few of them have been for my benefit - and I can't even quite wrap my brain around that; that for some reason i haven't yet made him think so badly of me that he wouldn't, couldn't be bothered to help me...
i mentioned him to my dad on the phone this morning - and as I knew his response would be - my dad loves him already... in an odd way he actually reminds me of my dad - and that has also been something i've slightly struggled with, because it's a little weird... thankfully the similarities are Not physical (which would just be gross) but as far as certain personality traits and moral/spiritual grounding is concerned... yeah...
basically -- he is the guy i would have fallen desperately and instantly in love with when I first moved to the city - when I was still in touch with my upbringing and my spiritual self (rather than the x-mas card exchange situation i've got going on with that part of me these days) and part of me wants to believe that that girl is still in there somewhere and that there really is a boy who wants that girl and will be there with her... and most of me is dead frightened that i've gone too far - been hurt too much - become too guarded, jaded, and broken that the girl i was will never be right for the boy she had hoped one day to find...
it's like he's too late ya know? and it's not Fair!
I don't mean having an attraction to someone - feeling them out - perhaps going on a date or even (shock! awe!) two to see if there is a mutual compatibility and then either parting friends or living happily ever after until the next pair of eyes leads you astray...
I mean - the unattainable beauty you talk about incessantly to ALL of your friends (ad nauseum - by definition) that you dayandnight-dream about wondering if any of your fantasies ever have the leastest chance of touching the boundaries of reality and knowing that were they to do so the universe as we all know it would implode... the one you avoid eye contact with at work/school/church/that party/class because you know if you locked gazes you'd a.) become a stumbling-mumbling idiot and likely drool all over your new shoes - but more importantly because b.) you KNOW that once they realized that all brain functionality had ceased on your end that they would figure out your big secret that you Like-them like-them....
I am masterful at this game - it keeps me out of having to deal with nasty sticky little objects like feelings and emotions and real-life with real people... i mean you start messing around with that stuff and the next thing you know you actually care and then they can hurt you because chinks in armor have been found and no one ever really stays...
ahem
i mean, i have a terrible habit of really liking someone - and then when I Have them... realizing i didn't want Them so much as I wanted the game.. I'm Such a dude when it comes to that - addicted to the chase, no interest in the pay-off - thing... I honestly couldn't tell you how many people I was really into until the moment i heard they were into me back and then all I could see was crooked tooth, pimple, love-handle, bad taste in clothes, annoying laugh, clearly not a big enough package.... or whatever other reason I would find to cull them from the list... and this is after already being one of the pickier women I know when it comes to definitions of attraction... and she wonders why she's perpetually single folks!
so, as per usual, there's this guy... i've liked him for a while but only recently gotten to know him and I was busy with my most recent affair when we met so I was distracted at first... and then the swell of fortune's tide took us back into one another's proximity and I was forced to interact with him on a routine basis... for the first few weeks I thoroughly enjoyed my typical response - the crushY playful excitement of random encounter - the play-by-play with best girl friends... and my ex, because really he's as much of one of my BgF's as any of the ladies... the building anticipation throughout the week as it came closer to the day i would see Him again...
all in good fun, sure - no worries - i didn't even take it Seriously, know my pattern Watched it happening Called it my 'impossible crush' and him the 'man of my pipe-dreams'... and then something shifted...
maybe it was because there weren't that many of us there that day so all of us were being less than - ahem - professional... maybe it was just my complete sleep-deprivation causing me to forgo any filter whatsoever and, being maskless, just reacted to him as a Me rather than as a 'girl i think might not freak him out or make him think i'm retarded' but something was different and yes *I* flirted... altho' I didn't start it necessarily I also didn't pull off into the road of 'safe response' like i probably would have... and I certainly didn't pull any punches when he brat-attacked me... in front of everyone I might add... omg - he actually even literally pulled my pigtails at one point... if we were five i'd be Sure he liked me back... but being in our thirties... so much harder to read...
so i walked away and spent that evening and the next day trying desperately to convince myself that i didn't like him - wasn't even Attracted to him anymore and clearly that weird phase of crush I had was silly and is now Over!
yes - i'm the girl that as soon as the guy she likes starts acting interested back runs screaming in the opposite direction
because then I had to acknowledge that I actually liked him... not just wanted to jump him - not just foolishly attracted to him because i know he is bad for me - not just creating a fantasy in my head so i don't notice how lonely i am in my current situation... but i actually liked this guy who exists in real life and does actual things and some small few of them have been for my benefit - and I can't even quite wrap my brain around that; that for some reason i haven't yet made him think so badly of me that he wouldn't, couldn't be bothered to help me...
i mentioned him to my dad on the phone this morning - and as I knew his response would be - my dad loves him already... in an odd way he actually reminds me of my dad - and that has also been something i've slightly struggled with, because it's a little weird... thankfully the similarities are Not physical (which would just be gross) but as far as certain personality traits and moral/spiritual grounding is concerned... yeah...
basically -- he is the guy i would have fallen desperately and instantly in love with when I first moved to the city - when I was still in touch with my upbringing and my spiritual self (rather than the x-mas card exchange situation i've got going on with that part of me these days) and part of me wants to believe that that girl is still in there somewhere and that there really is a boy who wants that girl and will be there with her... and most of me is dead frightened that i've gone too far - been hurt too much - become too guarded, jaded, and broken that the girl i was will never be right for the boy she had hoped one day to find...
it's like he's too late ya know? and it's not Fair!
Friday, October 3, 2008
maybe it's just in the stars...
clearly this blog is not one of those 'once a day habits' :P
i've been pondering a concept the past few months...
people are often canalized in youth; this can apply to food likes and dislikes - political affiliations - and most often the way we interact with, judge, and respond to the people around us on a day-to-day...
these past few weeks the tendency that's been intriguing me is a simple form of attraction... if you've ever asked me 'what's your type' the typical answer would be 'tall, thin, big nose... funny, smart and willing to put up with my brand of goof'
never really have understood that 'big nose' part of it... well, except... ok who the hell am i kidding we All Know why i head for those of the impressive schnoz... and, in fact, it does matter }:-)
But the true fact is - that hasn't been my type in a very long time and never really was... i just dated a string of dudes that fell into that description... but when i'm honest with myself, what catches my eye - what causes unexpected rushes of blood to bodyparts unnamed and electric tingles to frisson through nerve endings temporarily forgotten... is as disparate from that description as my current job is from my chosen profession...
a few months ago I finally figured out where the dichotomy broke (if not why it exists)... when I was young I was really into greek mythology, and in my mind i was kin to artemis... the maiden warrior who ran with night, better and faster and stronger than any man... a fierce competitor, but kind to - the champion of - those small weak creatures that could not defend themselves... when I'm very honest with myself I see how very much that has shaped the woman i have become in this life.
If you read the version of the myths that i did - you'll know the only man ever able to get through her ice-queen exterior was one heralded as the greatest human hunter of all time - a warrior like herself - skilled with any weapon he placed his large hands upon, yet secure enough in his own skills to allow the goddess to be herself in all ways without once trying to possess or overcome her... a partner in the hunt, and eventually in her heart... Orion
For as long as I can remember seeing his form begin to travel across our horizon (the true reason I never mind when the seasons once again turn cold) has brought a smile to my lips and a whispered 'hello' and my tastes for this 'sort' of man run clearly through my preferences and sympathies... and yet in thirty years i'd never put my finger on the 'why' of it... for when someone in our 'modern' society typically envisions 'hunter' the thought comes attached to images of overly-testosterone-full unempathetic 'manly-men' and not someone i'd necessarily choose to have a conversation with left to my own devices...
But the orion i 'know' is hardly a zero on the kinsey scale... instead he is a man of honor above reproach (in terms of his dealings with the goddess) and an enthusiastic and equal partner in their exploits through field and forest... i can't deny i've always longed to share the fight with a worthy compatriot.. and it no longer surprises me when a dark and flashing pair of eyes sets my heart to race, a crooked and inviting grin to curl my lips...
it's probably a good thing i don't have a twin brother...
i've been pondering a concept the past few months...
people are often canalized in youth; this can apply to food likes and dislikes - political affiliations - and most often the way we interact with, judge, and respond to the people around us on a day-to-day...
these past few weeks the tendency that's been intriguing me is a simple form of attraction... if you've ever asked me 'what's your type' the typical answer would be 'tall, thin, big nose... funny, smart and willing to put up with my brand of goof'
never really have understood that 'big nose' part of it... well, except... ok who the hell am i kidding we All Know why i head for those of the impressive schnoz... and, in fact, it does matter }:-)
But the true fact is - that hasn't been my type in a very long time and never really was... i just dated a string of dudes that fell into that description... but when i'm honest with myself, what catches my eye - what causes unexpected rushes of blood to bodyparts unnamed and electric tingles to frisson through nerve endings temporarily forgotten... is as disparate from that description as my current job is from my chosen profession...
a few months ago I finally figured out where the dichotomy broke (if not why it exists)... when I was young I was really into greek mythology, and in my mind i was kin to artemis... the maiden warrior who ran with night, better and faster and stronger than any man... a fierce competitor, but kind to - the champion of - those small weak creatures that could not defend themselves... when I'm very honest with myself I see how very much that has shaped the woman i have become in this life.
If you read the version of the myths that i did - you'll know the only man ever able to get through her ice-queen exterior was one heralded as the greatest human hunter of all time - a warrior like herself - skilled with any weapon he placed his large hands upon, yet secure enough in his own skills to allow the goddess to be herself in all ways without once trying to possess or overcome her... a partner in the hunt, and eventually in her heart... Orion
For as long as I can remember seeing his form begin to travel across our horizon (the true reason I never mind when the seasons once again turn cold) has brought a smile to my lips and a whispered 'hello' and my tastes for this 'sort' of man run clearly through my preferences and sympathies... and yet in thirty years i'd never put my finger on the 'why' of it... for when someone in our 'modern' society typically envisions 'hunter' the thought comes attached to images of overly-testosterone-full unempathetic 'manly-men' and not someone i'd necessarily choose to have a conversation with left to my own devices...
But the orion i 'know' is hardly a zero on the kinsey scale... instead he is a man of honor above reproach (in terms of his dealings with the goddess) and an enthusiastic and equal partner in their exploits through field and forest... i can't deny i've always longed to share the fight with a worthy compatriot.. and it no longer surprises me when a dark and flashing pair of eyes sets my heart to race, a crooked and inviting grin to curl my lips...
it's probably a good thing i don't have a twin brother...
Friday, August 8, 2008
It ain't easy being this pretty...
So.. in this story we have a cast of characters two of whom have the same name and the third who's name is too close to keep this easy to follow... so we'll call them B'day boy - DB (for dodged bullet) - and dude...
While I was in NC got random blast-from-past friending on ye old time-suck facebook... DB was in a show with me last year and apparently just got sucked into the vortex, found me and messaged about a free flogging molly concert...
Free? Flogging Molly? Hell Yeah!!
Turns out it was just a few days after I got back - in that addled period of return where i still hadn't actually Slept yet and was having a hard time not overlaying the campus atop my normal city-walk, readjustment was slow this time as I was loathe to admit i was back in the 'real world'
So I meet up with DB before the concert - we have a few drinks... which turn into a couple drinks... get there just as the boring opening band is finishing up - Perfect timing, grab a beer from the beer tent and get set to enjoy a kick-ass show - only problem was - we were both kinda drunk... the place we stopped beforehand was a buy-one-get-one happy hour deal and the bartendress did not have an - ahem - 'light hand' with the pour... so we pretty much had the equivalent of four drinks in an hour and a half - oops! And at some point in the concert, DB leans down and kisses me (wtf?! where the heck did That come from?!?) well turns out DB had had a thing for me during our show but was seeing some chick and yada yada yada same old story different players... well, i haven't been kissed more than thrice in 8 months at that point and he didn't precisely suck at it - oh and did i mention the excessive consumption of alcohol? So i went along for the ride, it seemed in keeping with the outdoorsy concert and hot irish punk music and was a fun summertime thing ta do... shrug, i don't date and i'm a pretty chaste person all things considered - but every girl needs a little facenom now and again...
So at some point in the evening we decide to go see a mutual friend in a free show that sunday - who was BTW excellent, brilliant actor! - and i get a bit of a shock at the show because some people that betrayed me a while back happened to be in it which i didn't know and that was weird - so we went off walking for a bit after cuz I needed to clear my head (and I hadn't yet twigged that DB kept only suggesting freebie events...) wandered thru a street fair that took over 6th avenue and when my knees started to ache I suggested going to rudy's for some R&R...
ran into another Mutual Friend on the way, so we all went - MF left and i could Not drink any more cheap-ass beer (2 is my limit - yuk!) and I suggested we grab some food because all I'd had to eat that day was a bunch of fruit - which i had thoughtfully brought to the show for snacking... DB, btw brought nothing to the picnic show in the park - nor did he pay for anything at Rudy's... in fact MF brought the first round and then DB pretended to go get drinks and then went 'oh - they don't take cards' in a fake confused voice... and EVERYone knows Rudy's is cash only! But I had money and was planning on covering a round anyway - so I paid, no big.
When I mention food DB starts in the whole 'oh i'm not hungry' vein and I say - no, really i need to eat - so he then goes along... now I am starting to get the hint at this point, so i suggest blockheads - one of my Favorite cheapo summertime haunts because of the perfect storm of cheap food - $3 margaritas - and outside seating...
We have 2 drinks each and some appetizers over the course of the next few hours... turned into an unexpectedly long hang out (and I Know DB was thinking of it as date - but *I* was quite definitely thinking of it as 'test') and unfortunately - while the conversation kept up - i noticed two not good things -a.) i never made eye contact with him while *I* was talking, and when i did it was jarring and a little creepy b.) if i was trying to tell a story he'd continually interrupt me to go off on some inane tangent about himself...
now i have NO issues listening to other people's stories - i love being entertained - but i am a storyteller myself, and do enjoy finishing mine - especially not cool when the interruptions are for boring crap (like, i'm telling deep story of some crazy shit that went down once and he interrupts to say 'yeah, i get that, being in a frat was hard...' WTF??) So I realize this is going nowhere and I start the 'oh, i need to get home' speech... get the check and he starts to say 'I'll get this since you paid for the drinks at Rudy's' and I start the obligatory 'you don't have to do that' and then see his face blanch (i actually thought it was just a figure of speech until this moment) so I simply pull out my card and set it down to pay for my meal...
The check was Thirty Two Dollars - i mean come ON! I spend more than that on Coffee some days!!
But - it gets worse... he insists on at least paying for my drinks since i Did buy a round earlier, I concede and when he hands over the cards to the waiter tells him to put more on my card than the actual price of my food and when he gets his check back UNDERtips the waiter!!! thank god i had already overtipped so at least our guy got something decent.. but o.m.g.! I am pretty much done with the situation at this point - but i can be a bit of a pussy when it comes to letting guys down so when he asks me if he can see me again (again? this was SO not a date!) i hem and haw and say 'we'll see when we have our calendars... we'll... talk'
btw guys? that means 'no' in girlspeak
So, the plot thickens... i've already forgotten about DB more or less - except to gossip about the unholy cheapness and how icky it was! (dude also stole the rest of my food left over from the park!) but B'day boy's party was last night - and DB had already indicated an interest in going - and called me (and I had - uh - avoided both the call and VM from the day before... just didn't have the patience to deal with it yet - but when he called again the next day - sigh... 'hello') to ask if he should cuz he'd really like to see me... sigh, again... i don't say no because i do believe in letting people know you're not interested in person but sorta hope he doesn't show... yet, I am not that lucky... he shows.
I avoid the hell out of him - which should have been a Clear Sign... i mean i hardly say 'hey' cuz it had gotten late enough i'd had hope... and yet when another friend shows I go right up for the big hug and 'Hi!' the new arrival and I step out for a smoke... my friend finishes first and goes in to fetch a drink, and moments later DB steps outside - with a drink in hand which is Super stupid on 2nd avenue in the east village as - hello! cops! he starts lamely trying to be suave (in this instance that's pronounced 'swa-vey') but Ugh! and I finally just go for it rather than continue the farce...
as nicely as humanly possible I say "Sooo... there's this thing... uh, 'insert friend speech here'"
he did NOT take it very well at ALL - started to get a bit pissy and implying i was being an ass and must be crazy because we had this awesome connection..(??) but thank God for B'day boy who stepped out just then, ostensibly to look for other folk coming in, but i knew he was playing wingman for me - god luv'im... I instantly start chatting with B'day and when he wanders inside DB is just pissed that i didn't even pretend like we were having a 'serious conversation' and is like - well that sux cuz I really thought things were great and i felt something and that hasn't happened in a long time (etc etc) I'm leaving...
so now I feel like a first rate heel - but what could i do - i did NOT want to continue that thing and we only had one date-ish... it's not like i dragged it out or led him on - but whatever... he stalks out a moment later - i'm still outside feeling a bit crap - and doesn't even say bye Just gives me the hairy eyeball. I call out bye and he snarls 'bye' back and stalks away without looking... now i'm sorry - and it sux to have a girl or guy you dig say 'thanks, but no thanks' - but i was NICE about it... and he was a bit scary creepy about taking it and i feel as if I MAJORLY dodged a bullet there!!! (hence title)
So then - a few minutes later B'day boy's friend - Dude shows up - could NOT have been better timing as I think the outburst had happened maybe ten minutes earlier!! I had asked B'day about dude the other day, actually, because when I was looking at the guest list i noticed he had a number of facebook friends in common with me that were people I knew from all random walks of life... and of course jokingly asked - is he single and cute }:-) to which he replied fairly cute, and then found out for me he was single too... (B'day boy is good peoples)
When Dude shows, B'day nudges me to stand and be introduced and the thing is we started talking easily right away - the fact that i do fight impressed him a lot right off the bat (heh! Xenaminon!) Dude tells B'day that this bartender from their local wanted him to stop in, so we all push him into going to this other bar where they do things like - well... force drinks down guys throats - whip them with their own belts and then dump ice down their pants - yes this was done to B'day and yes the bartendresses roped me into delivering one of the birthday whippings...
I'm talking to everyone and having a blast, but Dude is definitely spending a lot of time talking to me and we were just really getting along So well - unusual for me to have such an easy time talking to a guy i just met that i find somewhat attractive - he's not super omg hot - but definitely attractive and seems pretty cool... we start to go off to venue number four (yeah - I got home just after 5 sigh) and realize B'day forgot his bag'o'pressies... so I say I'll go get it and meet up with everyone, and Dude runs to catch up and walks with me - entirely unexpectedly - but you know a guy is into you if they follow you off on random errand... so then we go to coyote ugly... and Then we go to some other place for a last beer... and finally B'day is sufficiently intoxicated to call it a good birthday :P and we all start to head home because it's more or less 4am...
Dude - even tho he lives around the corner from where we were in the east village - walks me all the way over to the W4th station and we'd been hanging out with our arms around each others waists for most of those last few hours and while walking... tells me that i should try to get tickets to the Radiohead show tonight (sold out of course - TEARS!) and go with him and his buddies kisses my hand at the train station and then gives me a sweet kiss on the lips (no attempts for tongue - points scored there!) and exchanges numbers with me...
onehundredandeighty degrees from earlier in the evening ;)
While I was in NC got random blast-from-past friending on ye old time-suck facebook... DB was in a show with me last year and apparently just got sucked into the vortex, found me and messaged about a free flogging molly concert...
Free? Flogging Molly? Hell Yeah!!
Turns out it was just a few days after I got back - in that addled period of return where i still hadn't actually Slept yet and was having a hard time not overlaying the campus atop my normal city-walk, readjustment was slow this time as I was loathe to admit i was back in the 'real world'
So I meet up with DB before the concert - we have a few drinks... which turn into a couple drinks... get there just as the boring opening band is finishing up - Perfect timing, grab a beer from the beer tent and get set to enjoy a kick-ass show - only problem was - we were both kinda drunk... the place we stopped beforehand was a buy-one-get-one happy hour deal and the bartendress did not have an - ahem - 'light hand' with the pour... so we pretty much had the equivalent of four drinks in an hour and a half - oops! And at some point in the concert, DB leans down and kisses me (wtf?! where the heck did That come from?!?) well turns out DB had had a thing for me during our show but was seeing some chick and yada yada yada same old story different players... well, i haven't been kissed more than thrice in 8 months at that point and he didn't precisely suck at it - oh and did i mention the excessive consumption of alcohol? So i went along for the ride, it seemed in keeping with the outdoorsy concert and hot irish punk music and was a fun summertime thing ta do... shrug, i don't date and i'm a pretty chaste person all things considered - but every girl needs a little facenom now and again...
So at some point in the evening we decide to go see a mutual friend in a free show that sunday - who was BTW excellent, brilliant actor! - and i get a bit of a shock at the show because some people that betrayed me a while back happened to be in it which i didn't know and that was weird - so we went off walking for a bit after cuz I needed to clear my head (and I hadn't yet twigged that DB kept only suggesting freebie events...) wandered thru a street fair that took over 6th avenue and when my knees started to ache I suggested going to rudy's for some R&R...
ran into another Mutual Friend on the way, so we all went - MF left and i could Not drink any more cheap-ass beer (2 is my limit - yuk!) and I suggested we grab some food because all I'd had to eat that day was a bunch of fruit - which i had thoughtfully brought to the show for snacking... DB, btw brought nothing to the picnic show in the park - nor did he pay for anything at Rudy's... in fact MF brought the first round and then DB pretended to go get drinks and then went 'oh - they don't take cards' in a fake confused voice... and EVERYone knows Rudy's is cash only! But I had money and was planning on covering a round anyway - so I paid, no big.
When I mention food DB starts in the whole 'oh i'm not hungry' vein and I say - no, really i need to eat - so he then goes along... now I am starting to get the hint at this point, so i suggest blockheads - one of my Favorite cheapo summertime haunts because of the perfect storm of cheap food - $3 margaritas - and outside seating...
We have 2 drinks each and some appetizers over the course of the next few hours... turned into an unexpectedly long hang out (and I Know DB was thinking of it as date - but *I* was quite definitely thinking of it as 'test') and unfortunately - while the conversation kept up - i noticed two not good things -a.) i never made eye contact with him while *I* was talking, and when i did it was jarring and a little creepy b.) if i was trying to tell a story he'd continually interrupt me to go off on some inane tangent about himself...
now i have NO issues listening to other people's stories - i love being entertained - but i am a storyteller myself, and do enjoy finishing mine - especially not cool when the interruptions are for boring crap (like, i'm telling deep story of some crazy shit that went down once and he interrupts to say 'yeah, i get that, being in a frat was hard...' WTF??) So I realize this is going nowhere and I start the 'oh, i need to get home' speech... get the check and he starts to say 'I'll get this since you paid for the drinks at Rudy's' and I start the obligatory 'you don't have to do that' and then see his face blanch (i actually thought it was just a figure of speech until this moment) so I simply pull out my card and set it down to pay for my meal...
The check was Thirty Two Dollars - i mean come ON! I spend more than that on Coffee some days!!
But - it gets worse... he insists on at least paying for my drinks since i Did buy a round earlier, I concede and when he hands over the cards to the waiter tells him to put more on my card than the actual price of my food and when he gets his check back UNDERtips the waiter!!! thank god i had already overtipped so at least our guy got something decent.. but o.m.g.! I am pretty much done with the situation at this point - but i can be a bit of a pussy when it comes to letting guys down so when he asks me if he can see me again (again? this was SO not a date!) i hem and haw and say 'we'll see when we have our calendars... we'll... talk'
btw guys? that means 'no' in girlspeak
So, the plot thickens... i've already forgotten about DB more or less - except to gossip about the unholy cheapness and how icky it was! (dude also stole the rest of my food left over from the park!) but B'day boy's party was last night - and DB had already indicated an interest in going - and called me (and I had - uh - avoided both the call and VM from the day before... just didn't have the patience to deal with it yet - but when he called again the next day - sigh... 'hello') to ask if he should cuz he'd really like to see me... sigh, again... i don't say no because i do believe in letting people know you're not interested in person but sorta hope he doesn't show... yet, I am not that lucky... he shows.
I avoid the hell out of him - which should have been a Clear Sign... i mean i hardly say 'hey' cuz it had gotten late enough i'd had hope... and yet when another friend shows I go right up for the big hug and 'Hi!' the new arrival and I step out for a smoke... my friend finishes first and goes in to fetch a drink, and moments later DB steps outside - with a drink in hand which is Super stupid on 2nd avenue in the east village as - hello! cops! he starts lamely trying to be suave (in this instance that's pronounced 'swa-vey') but Ugh! and I finally just go for it rather than continue the farce...
as nicely as humanly possible I say "Sooo... there's this thing... uh, 'insert friend speech here'"
he did NOT take it very well at ALL - started to get a bit pissy and implying i was being an ass and must be crazy because we had this awesome connection..(??) but thank God for B'day boy who stepped out just then, ostensibly to look for other folk coming in, but i knew he was playing wingman for me - god luv'im... I instantly start chatting with B'day and when he wanders inside DB is just pissed that i didn't even pretend like we were having a 'serious conversation' and is like - well that sux cuz I really thought things were great and i felt something and that hasn't happened in a long time (etc etc) I'm leaving...
so now I feel like a first rate heel - but what could i do - i did NOT want to continue that thing and we only had one date-ish... it's not like i dragged it out or led him on - but whatever... he stalks out a moment later - i'm still outside feeling a bit crap - and doesn't even say bye Just gives me the hairy eyeball. I call out bye and he snarls 'bye' back and stalks away without looking... now i'm sorry - and it sux to have a girl or guy you dig say 'thanks, but no thanks' - but i was NICE about it... and he was a bit scary creepy about taking it and i feel as if I MAJORLY dodged a bullet there!!! (hence title)
So then - a few minutes later B'day boy's friend - Dude shows up - could NOT have been better timing as I think the outburst had happened maybe ten minutes earlier!! I had asked B'day about dude the other day, actually, because when I was looking at the guest list i noticed he had a number of facebook friends in common with me that were people I knew from all random walks of life... and of course jokingly asked - is he single and cute }:-) to which he replied fairly cute, and then found out for me he was single too... (B'day boy is good peoples)
When Dude shows, B'day nudges me to stand and be introduced and the thing is we started talking easily right away - the fact that i do fight impressed him a lot right off the bat (heh! Xenaminon!) Dude tells B'day that this bartender from their local wanted him to stop in, so we all push him into going to this other bar where they do things like - well... force drinks down guys throats - whip them with their own belts and then dump ice down their pants - yes this was done to B'day and yes the bartendresses roped me into delivering one of the birthday whippings...
I'm talking to everyone and having a blast, but Dude is definitely spending a lot of time talking to me and we were just really getting along So well - unusual for me to have such an easy time talking to a guy i just met that i find somewhat attractive - he's not super omg hot - but definitely attractive and seems pretty cool... we start to go off to venue number four (yeah - I got home just after 5 sigh) and realize B'day forgot his bag'o'pressies... so I say I'll go get it and meet up with everyone, and Dude runs to catch up and walks with me - entirely unexpectedly - but you know a guy is into you if they follow you off on random errand... so then we go to coyote ugly... and Then we go to some other place for a last beer... and finally B'day is sufficiently intoxicated to call it a good birthday :P and we all start to head home because it's more or less 4am...
Dude - even tho he lives around the corner from where we were in the east village - walks me all the way over to the W4th station and we'd been hanging out with our arms around each others waists for most of those last few hours and while walking... tells me that i should try to get tickets to the Radiohead show tonight (sold out of course - TEARS!) and go with him and his buddies kisses my hand at the train station and then gives me a sweet kiss on the lips (no attempts for tongue - points scored there!) and exchanges numbers with me...
onehundredandeighty degrees from earlier in the evening ;)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
confessionals...
I guess I should have known i was not going to keep up with the bloggityblogging while my life was steeped in fight, so I apologize a.) for the lack of story-telling and b.) for the repetition of stories which sound suspiciously like 'this one time? in fight camp?' that are yet to come...
you see, among the many amazing things i learned while in NC - the most mind boggling was that this is The thing... I've always loved theatre - I always loved performance - i've been singing or pretending to dance or generally making a fool of myself for the amusement of others for literally 90% of my life, and it's not as if i ever saw myself stopping that...
but this is different.
you photogs - remember the first time you developed your own prints? playwrights - remember the first time you were willing to show a 'final draft' to someone and they didn't suggest a million edits? or for the directors out there - the first time you heard thunderous applause to a work You envisioned?
that's how i felt the first time I picked up a sword (thanks Qui!) but it pales in comparison to the first time i picked up a Broadsword, or the moment i realized which dagger was 'mine' (and I apologize to all my ACW friends that i badgered when you 'took my dagger' - the rapier was an injury issue - the dagger was me just being a brat...) even that final glorious moment in the 11th hour when Paul fixed what was off in unarmed and i felt the 'AhHa!' of HOW the move was actually supposed to flow and finally saw why it wasn't working (and pissing KJ off to no end, I think, as well... i couldn't Find it until I'd Felt it and I want to cringe for i'm not sure she realizes that's where all my stupid questions and frustration teary-eyed-ness was coming from )
that's another aspect of the confessional actually - and this's my story and i never said it had to be linear... last night I had a mini-revelation followed by a 6 second cry... backstory is required...
I did not have the easiest time gelling with my partner... which is Such a huge understatement it's almost laughable. I actually asked Angela to grant me a divorce from her a week before the SPT's because I had no faith she'd do the work and i felt unsafe (she would often take off as soon as classes or rehearsals ended without making eye contact much less coming up with a strategy, and this was when we had a LOT of work to do and things were overdue - she'd just leave. And worse she'd freeze sometimes when frustrated with a missed move, rather than working it thru... a number of times in rehearsal she stopped dead after forgetting a beat, while i was mid-advance with pointy object... because I actually was watching my partner i managed not to injure her, but it rattled me because I saw how quickly our lack of communication could make things dangerous... my biggest fear was harming her - not my getting hurt - sure id've preferred not to have gotten More injured than I was... but i do run into things a Lot, so i'm used to it) however; rather than splitting us, because the faculty thought if we could get over this major personality difference we'd actually make good work, KJ and Mahaffey staged an intervention instead... we talked, we cried, we hugged it out and then we ran off to join the safd and look at gorgeous lewis shaw pieces that i could not afford, much to my sorrow...
but, despite the sit-down, we never did quite get to that point of open communication i'd have liked - she had other things (boy) on her mind and i was trying so hard to not be a bitch and start directing the thing that I probably held back too much and didn't say things I should have... also she had to sit out of a lot of class, and some rehearsal due to illness, and i'd work the routines on my own if she sat out - but eventually brimmer chastised me for that because it wasn't helping with our partnering which was why distance was sometimes off - well, that and NO one realizes how little i really am... i'm barely 5'3" and my legs just don't go that far!
so, because we weren't talking as much as we should have - and i do own my portion of that because i did get frustrated that we wouldn't work extra hours, and was fighting my own inclination to say 'fuck it.' And because unarmed was the hardest for me, for not only was i rewiring my approach to unarmed because of KJ's brilliance, but also i have a hard time conceiving spatial relationships and need more time to think them thru... the result was there were some really tense days as things were coming down to the wire, and it Still wasn't clicking... the pressure made worse at that point because broadsword was really rocking my personal house and our R&D routine was becoming quite the pretty little dance...
one day i asked a question of my master trying to understand why a move wasn't working - but i phrased it in theatrical terms rather than physical ones and she shut me down 'i can't tell you that - figure it out - i got to move on - fix it!'
i sighed and went back to the floor to try and figure out why i wasn't getting my knee up in time - i did roll my eyes - at myself and my own thickheadedness, with personal frustration at self for not Getting it Yet Damnit!
She thought i was rolling my eyes at her! as if i would ever EVER disrespect the woman who has so inspired me - that I look up to with a cross between hero worship and godlike awe... and she snapped out - don't roll your eyes! do it again and you're out!
I sputtered trying to get out all the following words at once - i'm sorry. i didnt. i didnt realize i was rolling my eyes. i was only rolling them at myself. not at you... - i think i got 4 of them spoken. she had already stalked off... and i felt horrible. if it's possible, i actually stepped up my efforts in that class afterward because i wanted So much for her to be proud of my work, to have taught me...
and it still wasn't pulling together; final rehearsal i begged paul to just walk us through the trouble spots so we could figure out why it wasn't working. And, of course, it was simple stuff: my partner didn't realize she was supposed to come back in and push me on a backhand, I didn't realize which vom she was referring to and had been trying to angle toward the SL one and not the SR one... dumb shit - but i needed it clarified because we'd not really worked the routine in the space all that often, and i need more help readjusting than other people may because of my spatial retardity... we fixed it - that 'ahHa!' moment i referenced earlier - but the night before the tests and i'm just not sure if it was in time...
AND almost certainly not in time for her to SEE that we fixed it - until the test itself... and because of my awe and intimidation of this goddess of fight... (think Hera more than aphrodite) i never got the balls to explain what was going on inside my head; and i think she thinks i was pissed at her and being bitchy - but i wasn't... i don't read right to other girls - i know that, this is why most of my friends are dudes...
so coming back to my point (uh - cat*... there was a point?) {:P} last night i'm thinking over these moments and realizing how Very much my panic for the routine was coming, not from my worry about passing or failing my SPT's, but because i admired this woman so much that i wanted to to do her work as a teacher and choreographer justice... i pray we did (and that no one caught my partner straightening her skirt during the barrel rolls after MJ chastised her for that at fight call... I mean, if i didn't call her out for tagging me in broadsword.... why would i mention that?!)
last night i realized how much i wanted to emulate this woman, i mean as a visceral understanding - not just a knowing... there was a hint of it when MJ and i were IMing about my training plans and he said i 'better watch out or i'll be the next female FM' and my immediate response is 'it'd take two lifetimes for me to get to 1/2 of Jenny's level...' but the reality is i think i want to spend the rest of my career attempting to be 1/2 as cool as K. Jenny Jones....
as Martin told me once - we will never achieve perfection - but as actors we must always strive...
you see, among the many amazing things i learned while in NC - the most mind boggling was that this is The thing... I've always loved theatre - I always loved performance - i've been singing or pretending to dance or generally making a fool of myself for the amusement of others for literally 90% of my life, and it's not as if i ever saw myself stopping that...
but this is different.
you photogs - remember the first time you developed your own prints? playwrights - remember the first time you were willing to show a 'final draft' to someone and they didn't suggest a million edits? or for the directors out there - the first time you heard thunderous applause to a work You envisioned?
that's how i felt the first time I picked up a sword (thanks Qui!) but it pales in comparison to the first time i picked up a Broadsword, or the moment i realized which dagger was 'mine' (and I apologize to all my ACW friends that i badgered when you 'took my dagger' - the rapier was an injury issue - the dagger was me just being a brat...) even that final glorious moment in the 11th hour when Paul fixed what was off in unarmed and i felt the 'AhHa!' of HOW the move was actually supposed to flow and finally saw why it wasn't working (and pissing KJ off to no end, I think, as well... i couldn't Find it until I'd Felt it and I want to cringe for i'm not sure she realizes that's where all my stupid questions and frustration teary-eyed-ness was coming from )
that's another aspect of the confessional actually - and this's my story and i never said it had to be linear... last night I had a mini-revelation followed by a 6 second cry... backstory is required...
I did not have the easiest time gelling with my partner... which is Such a huge understatement it's almost laughable. I actually asked Angela to grant me a divorce from her a week before the SPT's because I had no faith she'd do the work and i felt unsafe (she would often take off as soon as classes or rehearsals ended without making eye contact much less coming up with a strategy, and this was when we had a LOT of work to do and things were overdue - she'd just leave. And worse she'd freeze sometimes when frustrated with a missed move, rather than working it thru... a number of times in rehearsal she stopped dead after forgetting a beat, while i was mid-advance with pointy object... because I actually was watching my partner i managed not to injure her, but it rattled me because I saw how quickly our lack of communication could make things dangerous... my biggest fear was harming her - not my getting hurt - sure id've preferred not to have gotten More injured than I was... but i do run into things a Lot, so i'm used to it) however; rather than splitting us, because the faculty thought if we could get over this major personality difference we'd actually make good work, KJ and Mahaffey staged an intervention instead... we talked, we cried, we hugged it out and then we ran off to join the safd and look at gorgeous lewis shaw pieces that i could not afford, much to my sorrow...
but, despite the sit-down, we never did quite get to that point of open communication i'd have liked - she had other things (boy) on her mind and i was trying so hard to not be a bitch and start directing the thing that I probably held back too much and didn't say things I should have... also she had to sit out of a lot of class, and some rehearsal due to illness, and i'd work the routines on my own if she sat out - but eventually brimmer chastised me for that because it wasn't helping with our partnering which was why distance was sometimes off - well, that and NO one realizes how little i really am... i'm barely 5'3" and my legs just don't go that far!
so, because we weren't talking as much as we should have - and i do own my portion of that because i did get frustrated that we wouldn't work extra hours, and was fighting my own inclination to say 'fuck it.' And because unarmed was the hardest for me, for not only was i rewiring my approach to unarmed because of KJ's brilliance, but also i have a hard time conceiving spatial relationships and need more time to think them thru... the result was there were some really tense days as things were coming down to the wire, and it Still wasn't clicking... the pressure made worse at that point because broadsword was really rocking my personal house and our R&D routine was becoming quite the pretty little dance...
one day i asked a question of my master trying to understand why a move wasn't working - but i phrased it in theatrical terms rather than physical ones and she shut me down 'i can't tell you that - figure it out - i got to move on - fix it!'
i sighed and went back to the floor to try and figure out why i wasn't getting my knee up in time - i did roll my eyes - at myself and my own thickheadedness, with personal frustration at self for not Getting it Yet Damnit!
She thought i was rolling my eyes at her! as if i would ever EVER disrespect the woman who has so inspired me - that I look up to with a cross between hero worship and godlike awe... and she snapped out - don't roll your eyes! do it again and you're out!
I sputtered trying to get out all the following words at once - i'm sorry. i didnt. i didnt realize i was rolling my eyes. i was only rolling them at myself. not at you... - i think i got 4 of them spoken. she had already stalked off... and i felt horrible. if it's possible, i actually stepped up my efforts in that class afterward because i wanted So much for her to be proud of my work, to have taught me...
and it still wasn't pulling together; final rehearsal i begged paul to just walk us through the trouble spots so we could figure out why it wasn't working. And, of course, it was simple stuff: my partner didn't realize she was supposed to come back in and push me on a backhand, I didn't realize which vom she was referring to and had been trying to angle toward the SL one and not the SR one... dumb shit - but i needed it clarified because we'd not really worked the routine in the space all that often, and i need more help readjusting than other people may because of my spatial retardity... we fixed it - that 'ahHa!' moment i referenced earlier - but the night before the tests and i'm just not sure if it was in time...
AND almost certainly not in time for her to SEE that we fixed it - until the test itself... and because of my awe and intimidation of this goddess of fight... (think Hera more than aphrodite) i never got the balls to explain what was going on inside my head; and i think she thinks i was pissed at her and being bitchy - but i wasn't... i don't read right to other girls - i know that, this is why most of my friends are dudes...
so coming back to my point (uh - cat*... there was a point?) {:P} last night i'm thinking over these moments and realizing how Very much my panic for the routine was coming, not from my worry about passing or failing my SPT's, but because i admired this woman so much that i wanted to to do her work as a teacher and choreographer justice... i pray we did (and that no one caught my partner straightening her skirt during the barrel rolls after MJ chastised her for that at fight call... I mean, if i didn't call her out for tagging me in broadsword.... why would i mention that?!)
last night i realized how much i wanted to emulate this woman, i mean as a visceral understanding - not just a knowing... there was a hint of it when MJ and i were IMing about my training plans and he said i 'better watch out or i'll be the next female FM' and my immediate response is 'it'd take two lifetimes for me to get to 1/2 of Jenny's level...' but the reality is i think i want to spend the rest of my career attempting to be 1/2 as cool as K. Jenny Jones....
as Martin told me once - we will never achieve perfection - but as actors we must always strive...
Friday, July 18, 2008
The Dark Knight was worth the exhaustion
saw the midnight showing of dark night
private screening
with THE richard ryan (who was fight arranger for the film)
and a bunch of actor combatants, AC's in training, fight masters, fight directors and CT's of the SAFD
and did i mention richard ryan
who used his celebrity to get us not only our own theatre but got us in without waiting in the mile-long line
admit it
you're jealous
;)
private screening
with THE richard ryan (who was fight arranger for the film)
and a bunch of actor combatants, AC's in training, fight masters, fight directors and CT's of the SAFD
and did i mention richard ryan
who used his celebrity to get us not only our own theatre but got us in without waiting in the mile-long line
admit it
you're jealous
;)
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Letter number two - electric boogaloo
Another copied letter - i know i know.. but seriously there's not enough time to blog on our breaks - and by the time i get back to my laptop of an evening... forget making sensical phrases much less telling a story... so here are the highlights from an update i sent a friend (in fact one who recommended this workshop to me in the first place)
which i then (because i read the repost after a bad class when i'm having an 'i suck and the world hates me moment) misinterpret as his clever way of saying dude was married since i used the word crush (in however a facetious manner as it had been intended) but a.) i knew that and b.) teacher crushes aren't sexual or romantic in nature but born out of sheer appreciation of skill and personality... 'I' know this and my class mates know this (it's the floating term for 'favorite' this summer) but i go weird and assume that my friend doesn't know this and parry the statement in my response - to which the reply was 'i have no idea what you're talking about...
i'd be Way more embarrassed if i hadn't been busy making a fool of myself in class all week :P
The joke of this letter is my friend replied with 'say hi' requests... a big sloppy kiss for brimmer - willingly executed, and appreciated (altho he admit it was more fun coming from me than 'twould have been from my friend.. what can i say, the both of us are cute, but i'm cuter ;) a bit of smack-talk to martin (who has quickly become my other favorite teacher-crush... i have to separate my favorite teachers from my favorite teacher crushes from my favorite awe-inspiring instructors because really i am in love with the entire staff, and that includes the interns - the fact of it is i am writing this entry a food week after i am dating it because i'm trying to keep the separation of events to avoid the longest blog entry ever) and hugs to my TC mike and his wife...
day five just passed - or 5 weeks later, in safd workshop years... i have little grasp of time these days (altho i understand space now in an entirely new and heretofore unthinkable manner...) so much information has been thrown at me (and absorbed!) the last few days i'm simultaneously reeling and giddy - and have retained much of it!
this is seriously, the most amazing experience i've ever had in my entire creative life - anyhow - i promised gossip... this is as close as it gets for now...and really at the end of this very long day/week/life... this is incredible - and.. there are no true words at hand to 'sAy' but i know you must understand :D
- um... broadsword is so ridiculously kickass that i can't contain myself!
- R&D and our 1/2 course in small sword is hurting my brain (no experience other than that 8 move bit i had in the tavern scene in A.P - and half of that fight was really unarmed) but am getting it and each revelation is a crazy exciting win... got the r&d room to myself with one partner for the first hour of our first rehearsal night tonight and drilled my ass off... am getting it - and it's kinda wheeee...
- K. Jenny is not only an awesome and really Real person, but her approach to unarmed is revolutionary and so damn Smart! she's changed my whole perception of theatre completely - and i;m sorta in awe of her.... despite the fact that's she's completely approachable... and has even helped me when peeking in on other classes...
- Richard is just iconic and everyone is in awe of him - all the students have an admitted teacher-crush on him - male and female with no concerns about sexual orientation... it's the combo of skill and confidence and accent (damn we americans are suckers) but Martin (last name..last name...) is assisting and also super awesome - and helps immensely with reinterpreting something that's off when i'm not getting it (and i got to - and succeeded at - cracking a whip in his master class!)
- Brimmer... ha! I adore him (between you and me) - he Totally called me out for being in patriot (and it was so cool he remembered me - but apparently i'm a 'dead ringer' for an old friend of his - go fig :P) and he's so canny.. we have (in my track we have broadsword last- they're shuffling us every few days but i've been on the same schedule so far) first few days spent discussing concepts and asking what we've already learned (and all of us striving to impress then reMember what we learned and then didn't bother to re-teach us anything but moved forward... Broadsword is the only class we have any of the 'official choreography' for - altho there's a sound looking rumor going on about a sequence in r&d we've been working on...
- i just realized what a dork i am and how little you probably care about these little details... i'm this high on the entire experience and apologize for the freaked-out-excited-rambling :P)
- the general consensus of brimmer can be summed up thusly: his name was mentioned - one of my classmates called out the now colloquial 'he's a teddy bear' to which i reposted 'that will eat you' which was met by a general ripple of amused agreement - but i luv'im and he's awesome...
- our first night we had a gathering and there is picture and video evidence of all the instructors playing guitar hero (well - not richard or brimmer - but Jenny played - and 'm pretty sure mike did too - and a number of the other assistants, etc... kinda fun (richard and brimmer held court - and you couldn't help but be drawn in..) then i got caught looking at the bus map (longer story - basically i didnt' have enough time to save up for housing too so found a 'relatively close' sublet) and mike (who remembers you - it came up in the car..) basically insisted on driving me home instead... i also have a definite teacher-crush on him.. not just for the day one kindness... but he's a great teacher - and we get knife on our 'odd hour'NaHalf' for the second half - which i am super-psyched for!
which i then (because i read the repost after a bad class when i'm having an 'i suck and the world hates me moment) misinterpret as his clever way of saying dude was married since i used the word crush (in however a facetious manner as it had been intended) but a.) i knew that and b.) teacher crushes aren't sexual or romantic in nature but born out of sheer appreciation of skill and personality... 'I' know this and my class mates know this (it's the floating term for 'favorite' this summer) but i go weird and assume that my friend doesn't know this and parry the statement in my response - to which the reply was 'i have no idea what you're talking about...
i'd be Way more embarrassed if i hadn't been busy making a fool of myself in class all week :P
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Letter to a Frog...
notes from my 2nd day (OMG was that only day two? was that only 36 hours ago? are you my mommy?)
I'm currently two days behind - so am cheating... this here is excerpts from an email i sent wildly at 1 am a day and a half ago (or 2 weeks ago in ACW years) and will try to not get too much further behind than i already am - there is so much to tell and so much to learn and time is my oyster...
I'm currently two days behind - so am cheating... this here is excerpts from an email i sent wildly at 1 am a day and a half ago (or 2 weeks ago in ACW years) and will try to not get too much further behind than i already am - there is so much to tell and so much to learn and time is my oyster...
still sort of following my class around and checking the schedule all the time :P and all our classes are in the same buildinig - but i'm so brain-full and 'oh right' not sleeping that the memorization of a paltry schedule when i have so many other things to absorb is really not worth the entire brain cell it might require... uh do not be surprised if random phrases i throw out at you end up on my blog, i don't have enough time to rephrase concepts i find amusing and may include :P *rolls eyes* wow i'm so tired i'm speaking in smilies I wish i had - forgetting that i Can type it out as a smiley because i'm not currently in chat and will it not animate it incorrectly :P) but AnYway ...sigh... my point is i have lunch in that 12:30ish to 2ish period and may be online most days 'round then cuz i can't really go into the dining hall without the plan and that's where my whole class is usually :( so yay computer lab (OMG i;ve got the tv on and am hearing 'Viva Viagra" [as in - to the tune of 'viva las vegas'] in the background... i kid you not!) and i do want to try and keep up with the blog and late nights is hard... as it is i need to crash asap...
blah blah clearly in exhaustion meets wired mode (crazy awesome master classes tonight... i cracked a whip!! a Real indiana jones type one (and i was the first person to make it happen! - altho i wasn't able to be quite as consistent as some others
in class... martin said he'd totally be willing to practice with those of us interested and unbusy when time and schedule permits.. and i think i Have to take him up on that!! I mean A.) So Awesome!! and b.) how many chix have 'i can crack a whip' on their resume?? and also did a crowd dive masked as a trust exercise - hee! :D) and am simply blathering at you now... gotsta wind down off the late night adrenaline rush and i'm keeping my toxin intake to a minimum so as not to hurt worse than the classes are already taking care of for me so can't try and drug myself to sleep (this is NOT Qui's sunday afternoon class where you can kinda get away with having indulged too well saturday night... not by a Long Shot!)i can't believe it's only day two.. i can't imagine how much i have to learn and how natural these halting things will be by the time i have done... i am less scared because of fight studio because i know how things just finally click and then you're gold.. that in weeks and an amount of hours i am have already completed more than half of.. on day TWO! and really it's not as bad as i think - tho i am fighting to learn and retrain myself... but broadsword is basically just a VERY Very very freaking heavy kitana (and you have to stay lower and more square to support the weight) but the handling of it is clearly related... unarmed i'm obv familiar with - but treating as if i'm not and K. Jenny Jones (the first female safd fight master in over 30 years - kind of a big deal) has a very different style (both as a teacher and in approach) than i'm used to and of course worlds more experience than anyone i've worked with perviously and as i inferred earlier i have already corrected an actual mistake in my tumbling technique (and one of the assistants actually called me out for doing a good thing today in class and the class intern said i was 'rockin' today... and i thought i'd done badly!) my class is bonding like crazy and they're reportedly shuffling us up again in a few days and I'm Really unhappy about that... we're 18 in our half as it is and i'm still learning all the names straight but we've gone thru all the painful first steps together as well as done special trust exercise classes etc. and we Know each other... and i;m just not a fan of all that mixing it up thing (i was concerned enough as it was about
choosing a spt partner from my current and awesome class) but crap - whatevs,
it's not like i can Do anything about it...of course i'm also now really unhappy i'm staying off campus, i made a bad call - and am consoling myself that since they required payment in cash and early, i literally couldn't pay the roomNboard too in time (and since i hadn't secured a sublet yet - i was considering it up to the last minute - but as it was i had to pay my tuition 3
days late in order to wait for chex to clear and... i needed the extra weeks to
get the money for my much cheaper sublet... but i'm sad... next time (and
that'll be intermediates in Vegas!!... cuz I'm also thinking why put myself thru
the stress of trying to fit a class into my city schedule (unless it's an unusual weapon) when i can vacay with safd...
the bug?... she has bitten!
Oh ok, just one more thing... rapier dagger? admittedly the most unfamiliar of the forms i'll be tested in - since i Do have a sound foundation in unarmed and broadsword has so many similarities to the kitana - but, we all know how much i love my escrima... and wielding a second weapon and using it as flexibly as the 'primary weapon' is far from unfamiliar.. and the feel of having a flexible yet strong steel weapon in one hand and a dagger almost the length f your stick in the other... it's Awesome, and so cool because i can focus on learning these new positions and footwork and not have to worry about what my silly hands are doing (just a bit of a mindfuck when fighting against the lefthanders in the room - everything flips - but not exactly :P) but, yeah pretty awesome stuff...
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
OMG Wow!!
So this is a sorrowfully short post as I just discovered the computer lounge and yesterday was WAY too tired to post by the time I got home.. an hour just isn't enough to stuff (necessary!) food things down my throat - do admin blahblah And post everything I've already experienced but I will do my very bestest to catch up before I fall So far behind that fabulous stories of excellence get forgotten in the realms of my own personal fascination...
man the keyboards here are Loud - sorry to the other students :P but what can I say I have loads to speak about and haven't yet discovered how easy it is for me to sneak into the dining hall so I can goof with my class mates between classes...
So far I have already learned the basics of multiple types of swords - relearned some unarmed basics (and begun correcting some bad habits I didn't even know I had) And gotten to listen to a few of my instructors hold court and regale us with their awesomeness... if i can have a career even Half as amazing as theirs have been not only will i never need a 'day job' again but I'll be a V happy and V contented kitteh for the rest of my days...
gotta dash - my cliff bar is calling me and Just enough time for a cup'o'joe (which always struck me as a weird phrase since my dad's name is Joe.. a cup of dad? yeah too weird...)
and this is before the true exhaustion has even set in - it'll be fabulous to see How disjointed these posts become as the brain becomes full and the sleep becomes token....
man the keyboards here are Loud - sorry to the other students :P but what can I say I have loads to speak about and haven't yet discovered how easy it is for me to sneak into the dining hall so I can goof with my class mates between classes...
So far I have already learned the basics of multiple types of swords - relearned some unarmed basics (and begun correcting some bad habits I didn't even know I had) And gotten to listen to a few of my instructors hold court and regale us with their awesomeness... if i can have a career even Half as amazing as theirs have been not only will i never need a 'day job' again but I'll be a V happy and V contented kitteh for the rest of my days...
gotta dash - my cliff bar is calling me and Just enough time for a cup'o'joe (which always struck me as a weird phrase since my dad's name is Joe.. a cup of dad? yeah too weird...)
and this is before the true exhaustion has even set in - it'll be fabulous to see How disjointed these posts become as the brain becomes full and the sleep becomes token....
Thursday, July 3, 2008
That $20 you just found in your pocket - put it to good use!
I'm way too sore and still a bit giddy and bemused... yes your mind is in the gutter and yes you'z probably right ;) ... to bother writing any of my own story today... so instead I will do my good deed of the week...
Theater needs your help - so HELP!! (cuz really you were totally gonna waste that $20 on cheetos and porn)
--------------------
Subject: Help
Hey guys!
I don’t do this very often. However, in light of recent events, it has become a necessity. As many of you know, I’m putting together a show of Lonely Planet by Steven Dietz, though many of you don’t know quite what it’s about.
Set in 1992 during the height of the AIDS crisis, when people were dropping dead left and right, two characters, Jody and Carl, struggle to find their place in the storm whirling around them. Jody, owner of Jody’s Maps, has holed himself up in his store, refusing to leave and acknowledge what’s happening to his friends and neighborhood. Carl, a fixture and customer of Jody’s Maps, keeps bringing in chairs to Jody, to bring to him what he’s missing out his front door. While the subject matter is deep and serious, Lonely Planet is covered in comedy to make this jagged little pill easier to swallow.
This show is important to me for several reasons. 1) It’s my return to the stage as a lead role Off-Off Broadway in four years. 2) The subject matter is very close to my heart as quite a few of those I love dearly are living with HIV and AIDS. And 3) This show is just as relevant now as it was 16 years ago. New HIV cases for 12-27 year olds in NYC for 2007 has risen 85%. Yes, you read that right, 85%. Those of my generation and younger view the AIDS crisis as a page in history. I was 11 when the crisis hit its peak. I, or those my age, have no visceral idea of what it was to live in that era, and now we’re seeing risky behaviors on the rise (New stat came out last week, 40% of those who have multiple sex partners in NYC admit to barebacking, or not using a condom.). There’s no question that we need a wake up call, and my part of that is doing this show.
We’re talking with outreach groups and charities like Broadway Cares: Equity Fights AIDS to get the word out and get people to see this show. To not view this crisis as a thing of the past, but a beast that hibernated long enough to regain strength and has come back to feed.
Now that you know the back story, this is where I ask for your help.
I’ve tapped out all my resources, and my fund raiser netted less than $100 (thanks to those who showed!). Right now, as it stands, if donations don’t start to come in, I won’t be able to do this show.
I’m asking if you have $1, $5, $10 or more to spare, to please follow the link below:
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=info%40stolenchair%2eorg&item_name=Tax%2ddeductible%20contribution%20to%20Redd%20Tale%20Productions&no_shipping=0&no_note=1&tax=0¤cy_code=USD&lc=US&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF&charset=UTF%2d8
STOLEN CHAIR THEATRE COMPANY is generous enough to umbrella my theatre company, REDD TALE, and any amount that comes is will be given a tax-deductible receipt for that amount for 2008.
As a special gift till July 15th, if you donate $25, I’ll give you a ticket to come see the show. If you’ve donated already, you get a ticket! Just let me know what date you prefer. The more you donate, the better the benefits. You can visit www.reddtale.org and click on DONATE to learn more.
In addition, if you visit the website, we’re offering discounted tickets of $12 as a presale. Get your tickets now by clicking the date (hyperlinks are hidden) and Paypal will take care of the rest! Hurry, this special ends July 15th!
Word of mouth is a great tool. If you’re not able to donate or purchase a ticket, believe me, I totally understand. If you would be so kind to pass this on to some great folks, it would be greatly appreciated. Even a good thought our direction helps! Can’t get enough of those!
Thank you very much for your time, and your kindness.
Love and light,
Will Le Vasseur
Artistic Director of Redd Tale Theatre Company
--------------------
Will has shared a link with you. To view it or to reply to the message, follow this link:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?inbox/readmessage.php&t=1003227936035
AND...
Theater needs your help - so HELP!! (cuz really you were totally gonna waste that $20 on cheetos and porn)
Will LeVasseur sent you a message on Facebook
Subject: Help
Hey guys!
I don’t do this very often. However, in light of recent events, it has become a necessity. As many of you know, I’m putting together a show of Lonely Planet by Steven Dietz, though many of you don’t know quite what it’s about.
Set in 1992 during the height of the AIDS crisis, when people were dropping dead left and right, two characters, Jody and Carl, struggle to find their place in the storm whirling around them. Jody, owner of Jody’s Maps, has holed himself up in his store, refusing to leave and acknowledge what’s happening to his friends and neighborhood. Carl, a fixture and customer of Jody’s Maps, keeps bringing in chairs to Jody, to bring to him what he’s missing out his front door. While the subject matter is deep and serious, Lonely Planet is covered in comedy to make this jagged little pill easier to swallow.
This show is important to me for several reasons. 1) It’s my return to the stage as a lead role Off-Off Broadway in four years. 2) The subject matter is very close to my heart as quite a few of those I love dearly are living with HIV and AIDS. And 3) This show is just as relevant now as it was 16 years ago. New HIV cases for 12-27 year olds in NYC for 2007 has risen 85%. Yes, you read that right, 85%. Those of my generation and younger view the AIDS crisis as a page in history. I was 11 when the crisis hit its peak. I, or those my age, have no visceral idea of what it was to live in that era, and now we’re seeing risky behaviors on the rise (New stat came out last week, 40% of those who have multiple sex partners in NYC admit to barebacking, or not using a condom.). There’s no question that we need a wake up call, and my part of that is doing this show.
We’re talking with outreach groups and charities like Broadway Cares: Equity Fights AIDS to get the word out and get people to see this show. To not view this crisis as a thing of the past, but a beast that hibernated long enough to regain strength and has come back to feed.
Now that you know the back story, this is where I ask for your help.
I’ve tapped out all my resources, and my fund raiser netted less than $100 (thanks to those who showed!). Right now, as it stands, if donations don’t start to come in, I won’t be able to do this show.
I’m asking if you have $1, $5, $10 or more to spare, to please follow the link below:
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin
STOLEN CHAIR THEATRE COMPANY is generous enough to umbrella my theatre company, REDD TALE, and any amount that comes is will be given a tax-deductible receipt for that amount for 2008.
As a special gift till July 15th, if you donate $25, I’ll give you a ticket to come see the show. If you’ve donated already, you get a ticket! Just let me know what date you prefer. The more you donate, the better the benefits. You can visit www.reddtale.org and click on DONATE to learn more.
In addition, if you visit the website, we’re offering discounted tickets of $12 as a presale. Get your tickets now by clicking the date (hyperlinks are hidden) and Paypal will take care of the rest! Hurry, this special ends July 15th!
Word of mouth is a great tool. If you’re not able to donate or purchase a ticket, believe me, I totally understand. If you would be so kind to pass this on to some great folks, it would be greatly appreciated. Even a good thought our direction helps! Can’t get enough of those!
Thank you very much for your time, and your kindness.
Love and light,
Will Le Vasseur
Artistic Director of Redd Tale Theatre Company
--------------------
Will has shared a link with you. To view it or to reply to the message, follow this link:
http://www.facebook.com/n/
AND...
Look at Tuckaberry Productions’ fantastic new sound system progress!
Holy Hamiltons, Batman! We're off to a great start thanks to our contributors to the
Three Hundred Hamiltons!
Campaign.
Contributors so far: Anonymous, Margaret Cross, Helen Wicker
We're asking everyone reading this to please consider a ten-dollar donation this summer.
Ten dollars:
…It's less than the cost of a ticket to a summer movie.
…It's the price of a pair of Duane Reade sunglasses.
…It's a bottle of sunscreen.
It's the chance to get Tuckaberry on its feet for 2008-2009 so that we can keep bringing Brooklyn families and local schools great theater for reasonable prices.
Click HERE to make a donation online
or to donate by mail, send checks to:
Tuckaberry Productions, Inc.
85 Eastern Parkway, 6E
Brooklyn, NY 11238
Tuckaberry Productions is a non-profit New York State charity. All donations are tax-deductible, and 100% of your donation goes to producing high-quality theater for kids, their families, and their teachers.Tuesday, July 1, 2008
let's start at the very middle
it's a very good place to start as well... (is obnoxious lesson-song from banal 1960's musical theatre piece stuck in your head yet?)
i can't seem to catch a break to save my life - if, that is, the break includes being able to get a sufficient amount of Sleep... sleep is a beautiful thing - i adore it - and yet we seem to never be in the same room together; an unrequited love which i gallantly allow to slip through my fingertips rather than following my heart, chasing down, clubbing over the head and dragging back to my cave to indulge in at length...
damn i'm tired...
see, this year (which is exactly half way over - hence the very middle) has been a mite on the whirlwind side, got cast in a show early (on hold for march/april/may in early Feb ?? :P) just in time to have survival job explode into 150% of the work i never do on a regular basis anyway which calmed down to the day of tech for said show opening and beginning rehearsals for my current project which closes tonight... trust me, that sentence may not be grammatically correct - but it sure as shootin' is perfectly indicative of the last 6 months of life...
the past week has been a roller coaster of an entirely different type of theme park; Chaosland. with a three week trip to winston-salem NC for the SAFD actor combatant workshop (oh Yeah!) only minutes away (well thousands of minutes - but still) i had planned to sublet my apartment for the month... found what looked like the perfect situation - despite needing to couch surf a bit on the front end to make up the week i wasn't out of town but had given away the house... until lameobrains writes two days into the sublease to back out and i discover the jerk hadn't fed my cats... went All the way back to my house to return the keys and STILL did not feed the living creatures she had pledged to care for... let's just say if we knew each other better i'd be using stronger terminology than jerk...
ensue frantic scramble - and miraculous finding of new Better sublesse and relieved passing of the torch (complete with mailbox key) and then planned to move on to couch surf destination #2... another benevolent shift in the winds of the universe which saw my friend in need of a cat sitter the very week I was out of a home before traveling... last night was to be my first night, but my penultimate show was the one my folk could actually make it out to attend and so of course the post-show drink and deconstruct had to happen before I made my way over to the wilds of 84th and York... after walkabouting randomly for 40 blocks or so I gave up and hitched a cab for the remainder of the journey and pulled up in front of my destination - brand new set of keys in hand.... labeled and carabinered and everything... 'front' check - 'front' again... no sweat... Ah hell 4th floor walk-up... trudge trudge trudge... "A" sweet... 'bottom' - ah one of those ones you gotta hold open.. .K, 'top'... click, click, clickclickclickclick What The Fuuu You are seriously kidding me - right?
it was no joke... rule number one kiddos ALWAYS check the copies of your keys before handing them over to the person feeding your Cat!!!
an hour and a half and $225 later (which she swears she will get back to me - and oh you better believe it 'cuz Dudeface only took cash) I finally close the apartment door behind me...
The cat attacks, I kid you not, I lost some skin...
i can't seem to catch a break to save my life - if, that is, the break includes being able to get a sufficient amount of Sleep... sleep is a beautiful thing - i adore it - and yet we seem to never be in the same room together; an unrequited love which i gallantly allow to slip through my fingertips rather than following my heart, chasing down, clubbing over the head and dragging back to my cave to indulge in at length...
damn i'm tired...
see, this year (which is exactly half way over - hence the very middle) has been a mite on the whirlwind side, got cast in a show early (on hold for march/april/may in early Feb ?? :P) just in time to have survival job explode into 150% of the work i never do on a regular basis anyway which calmed down to the day of tech for said show opening and beginning rehearsals for my current project which closes tonight... trust me, that sentence may not be grammatically correct - but it sure as shootin' is perfectly indicative of the last 6 months of life...
the past week has been a roller coaster of an entirely different type of theme park; Chaosland. with a three week trip to winston-salem NC for the SAFD actor combatant workshop (oh Yeah!) only minutes away (well thousands of minutes - but still) i had planned to sublet my apartment for the month... found what looked like the perfect situation - despite needing to couch surf a bit on the front end to make up the week i wasn't out of town but had given away the house... until lameobrains writes two days into the sublease to back out and i discover the jerk hadn't fed my cats... went All the way back to my house to return the keys and STILL did not feed the living creatures she had pledged to care for... let's just say if we knew each other better i'd be using stronger terminology than jerk...
ensue frantic scramble - and miraculous finding of new Better sublesse and relieved passing of the torch (complete with mailbox key) and then planned to move on to couch surf destination #2... another benevolent shift in the winds of the universe which saw my friend in need of a cat sitter the very week I was out of a home before traveling... last night was to be my first night, but my penultimate show was the one my folk could actually make it out to attend and so of course the post-show drink and deconstruct had to happen before I made my way over to the wilds of 84th and York... after walkabouting randomly for 40 blocks or so I gave up and hitched a cab for the remainder of the journey and pulled up in front of my destination - brand new set of keys in hand.... labeled and carabinered and everything... 'front' check - 'front' again... no sweat... Ah hell 4th floor walk-up... trudge trudge trudge... "A" sweet... 'bottom' - ah one of those ones you gotta hold open.. .K, 'top'... click, click, clickclickclickclick What The Fuuu You are seriously kidding me - right?
it was no joke... rule number one kiddos ALWAYS check the copies of your keys before handing them over to the person feeding your Cat!!!
an hour and a half and $225 later (which she swears she will get back to me - and oh you better believe it 'cuz Dudeface only took cash) I finally close the apartment door behind me...
The cat attacks, I kid you not, I lost some skin...
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